Never pick up an exploding puppy- no matter what!

The thing is, I am not really a dog person. I know that this may change how some people feel about me but there it is. Awhile ago, whilst chatting to another dog walker, I made the fatal error of saying this. She was so mortified to hear this terrible news about me that she called another dog walker over- yes called her over and said:’ This lady has a dog and she doesn’t really even like dogs! Can you believe it?’ Well, that ended that ‘temporary dog walking friendship’ fast I tell you.

She should have given me time to explain. Uttering the word ‘no’ is difficult for me. I am easily swayed, please don’t tell the door to door sales people that! One Sunday afternoon, we had friends over for lunch and he works for the RSPCA. I vaguely overheard him telling my husband about a litter of puppies they had rescued. I ignored the conversation, said husband never spoke of getting a puppy before so we were safe. Mistake number 1! (of many mistakes I might add)

Puppies use unfair tactics! They are small and fluffy. They bound up to you and jump on your lap, they look at you as if you are the best human being they have ever ever met! They smell so scrumptious! Then the next thing you know you have signed the adoption papers and you take your new best friend home along with a folder full of advice leaflets! Those leaflets should come with warnings I tell you!!!

That is when the problems emerged.......

Have you ever looked after a baby? They cry when left alone- so do puppies, babies poo loads- so do puppies but the difference is that babies WEAR NAPPIES!!!!! Ha! I am going to invent a nappy for puppies, as soon as I have time off from all this cleaning!!! So, the advice I get is to set my alarm throughout the night to get out of my nice warm bed and take puppy out for a wee and poo. 2 am the beeping wakes me, I drag myself out of bed, put on my white night gown (I think you can see where this is going) and walk half asleep down the stairs. She wags her little tail at me- ‘thank you thank you’ she seems to say, ‘I am desperate!’ We amble sleepily over to the back door when.... her bum explodes! Yes is explodes poo all over the floor. I scream loudly and then do one of the dumbest things I have ever done- I pick her up and run for the door! So then the explosion is spread all over the floor and my white night gown. I get her out the door, onto the grass and she looks at me- ‘I don’t need to go anymore, thank you’ and proceeds to walk back inside and get back into her bed. Moral of the story- never pick up an exploding puppy, no matter what!!